Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Looping star fish
LOOPHOLE DEFINITION: A screwed up and talented way to justify getting fucked up the ass, enjoying the shit out of it and never ever feeling guilty about it.
(Definition sourced from www. Ben Dover. Com).
Extensive research was conducted over a period of two months. My findings…..
1. Anal sex:
I recently learnt that Indian girls prefer to get fucked up the ass. Their excuse…. “Protect the sacred hymen”. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Just admit that you secretly prefer the taste of vanilla ice cream wafers dipped in chocolate sauce. What makes it even worse is that guys agree to this. Either you are secretly gay or you prefer giving it to her from the back so that you don’t have to see her mother fucking ugly ass face. Ever heard of covering her face with a brown paper bag …. Genius! Anyone for some chocolate star fish shaped biscuits!
Advice for the girls: you can surgically replace your hymen for just a thousand bucks. If cost is an issue …. The Chings make a magical drug that’s called “grow (glow) a hymen”.
2. Breaking your virginity on a horse:
For fuck sake unless you are lady freaking Godiva, ill believe that shit.
3. Breaking your virginity on a bicycle:
What the FUCK…. Find me an Indian girl that rides her bike like Evel Knievel – Restepe Girlie!!!!
4. Birth control:
“I have terrible acne”.
“My periods are irregular”.
“I get bad cramps when I’m gushing”.
(Dilly to the MAX…. go to a fucken white doctor for fucks sake, that way you will save yourself from one sin…. Fucken LIARS). Btw Indian doctors know that you are bull shitting
For every other month of the year you menstruate for 7 days but in Ramadaan you miraculously gush for ten whole (don’t get excited girls… I didn’t say hole) days.
6. Husband Hunting:
“My ass is showing, my tits are perky, I’m smuggling jaw breakers but doesn’t my scarf look pwetty….. Hail! Haaree poiree of fucken poireees. Queen of shepocricy!
7. Part Time Marriage:
Get married secretly while you are still studying. Screw each others brains out then at the end of the semester…. TALAAQ…. TALAAQ…… TALAAQ!
8. Pravin Gordhan- Beware:
It is acceptable to do the whole OOPLANG thingy. Cheating the tax man is not considered stealing or “wrong”. DING DONG Duh! Cheating is fucken cheating KING OF ROKRA!
9. It is OK to pay interest with interest (a negative and a negative make a +). Btw it is also acceptable to pay for concert tickets, your domestic worker, your paving for your drive way, your toilet (I always wondered why our toilets are prettier than the rest of the house), and for speeding tickets with interest money.
10. I lower my gaze when I am on three months jamaat but screw that shit…. Start loading up on the GAjAR HALWA before our July holiday in Durban. (For doff and doffness- jagar halwa = carrots= good for the eyes).
11. Fallacio is acceptable….. Sex forbidden.
12. I can down a Bacardi, sambuca, tequila, jack, klippies and a Smirnoff BUT… FUCK I’ll never eat haraam meat.
13. For plus minus 280 days it is ok for me to fuck my boyfriends brains out, down shooters, pop an E, A, B whatever the fuck, smoke a mother size bong BUT!!!! 40 days before Ramadaan …. The bar is closed for renovation and my dealer is gone on holiday to Pakistan.
Fellow Indians…. Ur fucken talented yaar!