After a tough year we all found ourselves in desperate need of a serious debrief session! The end of the year seems to always bring some kind of relief. `Tis the season of calm despite the exhaustion. Coddled by the warm open arms of the girls, several cartons of Kleenex Softique (only the best for our delicate noses), tubs of decadent indulgent ice cream, and boxes of the most exclusive and effective heal balm known to womankind – chocolate – we found ourselves sprawled across the floor, leaning on comfy cushions or cuddling up on the couch. This was a much-needed girls night in and time to catch up! All the stories came pouring out, much like the soaking rain outside! Between the giggling fits and the sombre sobs, each had a story – we’ve been through illnesses, losses of loved ones, ugly thighs, bad hair days, road rage, office tantrums, moving and upheaval, and of course the ups and downs of relationships with the men in (or out of) our lives.
“He said he loves me but he only said it after I said it five times this morning! What does that mean?”
“He sent me the regular morning greeting text but all it said was ‘Hope you have a great day’”
“He wants me to meet his family! But he says only after the holidays – that’s ages away, I can’t bear the tension till then! What am I going so say, what if they don’t like me?”
“I can’t stand him anymore - we hardly speak to each other unless its about the kids”
“Is he a commitment phobe?”
“Maybe he doesn’t love me…..”
“What if things don’t work out and we break up?”
“How do I tell him I’ve met someone else?”
What is the obsession we have with finding “The One” the “soulmate” – he who makes the world stop and hearts skip a beat and blood rush to the brain! Why the constant search for the proverbial sign? “I need a sign – just a little something to calm the fear….”
The truth is he may be THE ONE. He may not. It may work. It may not. It may be his choice. It may be hers. It may be right. It may be wrong.
And what if it is wrong? We cry on the shoulder of those who are there to support us, we pick up the pieces, we fall apart again, we move on, we wallow. We go through the motions of existence moment by moment, numb at first; slowly healing our hearts until we find new distractions – hope again of perhaps THIS TIME it’s the one.
Then again….. what if this is the real thing??? What if we had to kiss a few toads before the prince revealed himself? Maybe there are no hidden meanings and the stars had it all wrong! Maybe the real signs are in the littlest of gestures – he gives you the red smarties `cos he knows u like them or telling you the cheesecake u made was the best he’s ever tasted! What if he’s just human and muddling through his own maze trying to find the answers?
What if the answers are right here, right now – the sign you seek, bare before your eyes ….. but you’re too distracted to see it!
What if we knew? What then? Do all fairytales end in the happily ever after? Or will we ask ourselves more What ifs?
“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life’ not so much by what happens to you, as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
Gibran Khalil Gibran